December 7th. The day marked in my calendar as “last day of Bali yoga training”. I can’t believe it is here. Everyone said the time would fly, and although I guess I knew it would I didn’t think it would happen quite like this. I figured at the end of the five weeks I would be sad to go but i also assumed there would be moments along the way where I would be longing for the finish line. But not once. Sure there were moments of frustration and wishing I could be a part of something back home, but I never once thought I can’t wait until this is over. Quite the opposite. I wished it never had to end. Which is not to say I’m not missing folks…so no hurt feelings out there. (especially you Bowerson….I know what an active blog reader you are…and I of course can’t wait to have some couch time and a nice arm bath).
I just wish I could ship you all here and we could relish In the sun and smiles together.
Of courses no trip to Bali would be complete without a bout of the Bali belly. Not to be outdone, I went full throttle with it. I’ll spare you the details because well….who wants to read about dysentery with their morning cup of joe. Let’s just say it was a doozy. But I lived to tell the tale.
The most noteworthy aspect of the experience was the fact that I received such great care from my fellow yogi, Yoshie. She’s Japanese and used to be a big top finance person who worked on the trade floor. You would never know it to meet her because she is so sweet and calm. However in my sickness i got a tiny glimpse of her business side. Homegirl got it done. She arranged for a Dr to come see me, got me my medicine ordered and delivered and also got me all the fluids and supplements I needed. I could not have made it without her by my side. And to think this women was a stranger to me just 5 weeks ago and was caring for me like a mother. It was amazing. I’m forever grateful. She was the exact person I needed at that moment. But in truth I can say that anyone of my fellow students would have been there for me had I called. I was blessed to be a part of such an extraordinary group of individuals.
As we went around and had our closing circle a lot of collective tears were shed. (including from a woman who had not cried in 7 years). I am so honored to have been chosen somehow to be apart of this group. Our backgrounds ranged from everything from lawyers, analyst and hedge fund managers to more bohemians such as writers, dancers, and even a clown college grad. There was a women who lives and works as a chef on a sailboat year round and even an Olympic athlete! (The ever inspiring, 3 time Olympian and bronze medalist high Diver, Ditte who i got to share a house with!)
Yet for these 5 weeks we were all the same. Folks on a journey. Some looking for answers. Some looking for peace. Some just looking to get away and maybe put life on pause for a bit. But we were all equal. A group of people who’s lifestyles and backgrounds would have otherwise prevented any sort of friendship from forming, came together and created an incredible bond.
It’s amazing what you can discover about yourself and the kinds of relationships you can form when you are no longer tethered to your “story”. When context and history no longer binds you. You can be free.
It’s an interesting concept when you really think about it.
At the beginning of the training Alicia said something to the effect of ” no one knows you. No one knows your past or your story so this is your chance to be anyone you want to be”. Some might take this and think…sure now I can become someone new.
For me though it was an opportunity (maybe the first time ever) to really find out who I am. Completely authentic without the past weighing me down. Without any expectations to live up to. I have ideas about myself that are so deeply ingrained yet they don’t come from me. They come from external influences. I wrestle with these concepts and they often make me insecure, anxious and doubtful of myself and my character. “Am I that girl”. I don’t feel like her but who knows?
Although I have certainly grown and evolved on this trip, The greatest lesson I learned was that I actually already knew who I was. Im letting go of being weighed down by outdated concepts and perceptions of who i am and what I’m like.
The person I want to be is me. Im not without flaws. But I know who I am. I know what I want. I know the kind of person I am, and I think I’m finally starting to like her.