This is a journey of self-exploration. Pushing myself to boundaries that both excite and terrify me. I have often longed for solitude. I’ve romanticized the idea of venturing out on my own and putting myself in a situation where I know no one. Certain that this experience will fulfill me. That this is the missing piece to my own personal puzzle. As the weeks draw closer and my journey gets nearer I am met with waves of fear and enthusiasm.
I am easily distracted. I seek out distractions. Im addicted to them. The TV, Music, internet, the phone. I seek out constant chatter as a way to numb myself and remove myself from being quiet. It is only when I’m quiet that I really go inward and start to see, think, and feel things that I would often rather avoid. However as I prepare to travel thousands of miles away where I will undoubtedly be met by my fair share of silence, solitude and stillness I am grateful for the opportunity to make myself uncomfortable. Im grateful for making the leap. Im grateful for having followed through with my word. Im grateful that I have kept this promise to myself.
Im not quite sure what to expect. I think that is a good thing. I want to resist the urge to figure it all out before hand or develop some fixed illusion of expectation. Rather I will go in to this journey with an open mind and open heart.
At this time in my life Im filled with such a complex mix of emotions that ebbs and flows each day. I have never felt more joy love and hope while simultaneously experiencing sadness and confusion. As a notorious “over-thinker” and “over-analyzer” Im trying to allow myself to release and receive. Try not to find the answers but to let the answers find me.